7w 1d and riding high

We have a perfect baby and it has a perfect heartbeat. How do you describe that moment when all of the tension has built and you've steeled yourself for the worst and instead, there is the little...well, blob...and the flashing of a perfectly beating heart.

The doctor let us hear the heartbeat. I cried. I've never heard a more perfect sound in all of my life.

Now I am going back to bed.

Getting there -- 6w 6d

My first "milestone" ultrasound is in two days, so of course I am scared shitless. This is the one where we should see the heartbeat. I'm terrified of seeing nothing.

As usual, there's no reason for this, apart from my lack of symptoms. My chest is occasionally sore, but otherwise normal. I have small bouts of mild nausea but that can't be morning sickness, can it? I've got a weird metallic taste in my mouth which I didn't notice until Johanna pointed out she was having one, but that's probably from the prenatal vitamins. My thyroid is still functioning *too* well, but Lord knows I haven't seen any weight loss out of it so that's pretty useless! I've had a few odd cramps and twinges but that is pretty much the laundry list of things, and while yes, I know, there is a thread every day titled "ZOMG I have no symptoms what is wrong with me?" that doesn't mean I don't look at the women who have symptoms and think, well geez, at least you know you're still pregnant! The only thing I have to show for it is *not* spotting or cramping -- which is good, don't get me wrong, but unhelpful when it comes to determining the state of Baby Stoat, other than it is a mass of cells still in my uterus somewhere.

It's like being on a plane. I'm not in the driver's seat here, and it makes me nervous.

On the up side, the in-utero photos of babies at about 7 weeks along show that yes, they do in fact look like Jelly Babies. That makes the fourth series of Coupling just that much funnier!

6 weeks!

The first trimester is officially half over today! :)

I have one more ultrasound with the RE next Thursday. If all goes well, I'll be released to a regular OB/GYN after that. We should see a heartbeat, at which point I'll feel safe in shouting from the rooftops.

Fingers crossed all is still well with the Baby Stoat!

5w 5d and another hurdle hurdled. Hee!

More monitoring this morning, though when I walked in and saw that the ultrasounds were being done by one of the practice partners, I was pretty happy to wait. He took a lot of time to poke around and measure things; seems everything is right on time, right where it should be, and growing nicely, well on target to make 14mm by Wednesday's 6 week milestone. By "everything" I mean the yolk sac and the gestational sac, since we can't see the baby yet, but the edge of the yolk sac is starting to show where we should be able to see Baby Stoat next week.

I do have two cysts, but the doctor says not to be worried about them if they're not causing any pain, so I won't.

All things considered, I'm pretty pleased. :) I miss riding, though!

5w 3d

I start to feel a little bit better with every day that passes. I can't believe that by next week, the first trimester is half gone!

Hopefully all will go well in finding the yolk sac on Monday.

I'm hoping for at least a UK vacation in the near future, but we shall have to see what happens.

5w 2d and doing just fine!

We had our first ultrasound today. There is a small black blob in the middle of my uterus representing the place where the next generation of our family is growing. <3 The gestational sac is 6mm across and while they did not see the yolk sac, that is A: normal and B: possibly the result of the doctor performing the world's fastest ultrasound on me without adjusting, zooming in or really moving the wand. Plus it was one of the older ultrasound machines; at the clinic I go to they just bought several new ones but it's the luck of the draw which ones you get.

My hCG level is still right on that average curve, right where it should be. Doubling time has dropped to about 41 hours, slightly faster than the standard 48. These are all good signs.

I am pretty pleased right now. Monday's level should be 5,580 or better, which is quite good enough to see a yolk sac and probably close to heartbeat time. :)

249 days...

Apart from my boobs hurting and the occasional twinge, nothing. It has me paranoid.

The doctor isn't doing any more betas until Friday. My level should be 1,344 by then. I'm nervous because between now and then, I have nothing to verify. I keep repeating to myself that there is no reason to believe this is not a normal pregnancy. The doctor is watchful but optimistic.

And then I read some more horror stories about blighted ovums and babies that didn't develop and I get all nervous again.

I need to stay occupied until Friday. Seriously.

Stay On Target....!

Today's beta was 112, which is more than double Wednesday's 52. We're right on the curve of average. :) This is a nice feeling. According to one beta tracker it doubled in 43.63 hours; according to the other, it's a rise of 115%, 15% more than expected. That one even gave me a chart!

I probably won't have much to add between now and next Friday, which is First Ultrasound day. According to my calculations that will be about three days too early to hear a heartbeat, which should be visible by a week from Monday.

I would have liked the beta to have risen more, but average is fine. Average is just fine!

Day 2.

The
feeling
of building
a house of cards

is disconcerting. Right now, I am happy. Happier than I've ever been, really -- all signs point to a good pregnancy so far, but my brain keeps telling me one beta is little to go on. It's the looming spectre of tomorrow's beta which is making me shiver in fear. Will it be at least 116? Is it doubling? Are those cramps? Do I still "feel" pregnant? Is there blood? Is that a pink tinge?

Yes, I am fully capable of driving myself insane in a period of less than 24 hours and I have another potential eight months to get through!

WAHOO!!

Beta of a nice, normal 52! We have lift off!!

IT'S OFFICIAL!

...and the nurse even sounded happy this time.

13 DPO.

I feel safe enough in saying this today. It won't go out to our friends and family as an announcement just yet, but then again, only one of them can see this blog! :)

You know...

...if this is not The One I'm going to be severely pissed off. It's 6 pm and already today I've experienced:

-two different brands of HPT telling me the same thing, even though it's meaningless.
-Boobhurt. My nipples are huge and my breasts feel like they're on fire, and not in a cute, "IT Crowd" kind of way. Showering hurt.
-Nausea.
-Shakiness.
-Having to pee every hour, on the hour.

If this is just residual trigger there is going to be hell to pay. Merry hell. Seriously merry hell.

12 DPO.

Dear line,

You're still here. You didn't hang around quite as long last time, though those Wal Mart tests can be a bit sketchy, I know. You're still here in a "have to squint to see it" kind of way but not a "Well, if you disassemble the test and hold it up to the strongest light in the house" kind of way. You look like nearly other 12 DPO test on Fertility Friend. You're punctual, too, you show up within 10 minutes like you're supposed to, and for all of those things I think you're the best.

So please, please stay. Hang around. Get darker. You'll find we're not bad people to know once you are here for a bit. Sure, he snores and sure, I spend too much time on the computer, but I think you'll find those things to be lovable quirks in a few months.

Please be real.

10 DPO.

The insanity is optional.

I cleaned out the local Dollar Tree and have been testing daily. So far, I've gotten some pretty pronounced positives -- ones where I don't have to take the test apart and hold it up to the strongest light in the house, at any rate.

Unfortunately, I'm just 6 days past the last hCG booster, so of course the tests are going to be positive. I'm just waiting for that little pink line to fade and AF to show. I know I'm over-analyzing things -- trying to remember "Were they this positive this time last month?" and all of that.

I'm 10 freaking DPO -- and yes, the rational part of me is screaming that even if these were real, it would be DAMNED early to get a pronounced result like this. I'm still in implantation territory, for God's sake!

Wouldn't it be a laugh, though -- to get my BFP on the cycle where I had a Jell-o shot during the 2ww, remembered to take my Metformin and didn't stop riding three days a week because it might jiggle the baby loose?

A girl can dream. :) Especially one that has lost six whole pound on Weight Watchers in three weeks.