Whinge.

I'm tired, I'm in a foul mood, I'm crying at everything, and I'm having hot flashes.

Follistim is way worse than Gonal-F.

We have a doctor's appointment at 9 am tomorrow, where they'll try to push IVF on us. I might have considered if I didn't already have $40k of student loans hanging around. $40k in student loans and $30k for three IVF cycles = $70k of debt before I even go and buy a house, or a car.

No.

What kind of quality of life could I possibly provide a child if I can't afford to move out of apartment living? That's not how I want to raise my kids. I'm sure there are perfectly wonderful kids being raised in this very complex who lead happy and fulfilled lives and who will undoubtedly grow up to be astronauts or President or something; I want to be able to have a house someday and if it needs to be mutually exclusive with having children, so be it.

My mental picture of how I wanted to raise my kids is already warped enough due to the fact that I'm going to be an old mother, I refuse to allow it to be warped beyond recognition because my doctor wants a new Mercedes. IVF is ridiculously overpriced in this country and I am not going to pay a fortune out of pocket just because some insurance company wanted more money to pay their middle managers. The health care system in this country is broken and I refuse to fund it any more than I already have to. I will go abroad and pay into a system that I feel works much better, if I must.

Of course, it'll be typical -- I'll wind up getting pregnant next week and all will go to hell so I can't cancel my insurance and have to continue paying more than my monthly income in premiums. It's only because I'm defensive, angry, and ready to look elsewhere that I feel positive about this kind of thing happening!

All right, rant over.