I'm watching the rain fall, waiting for medication to be delivered. The weather's a mess and quite frankly I'm unsurprised that UPS is late.
The cramps I thought I had escaped are here in force today and sitting up has been a bit of a trial. I'm also starving and can't leave the house to get food in case I miss the UPS guy with my medication. I want someone to bring me food and then go away so I can bury myself under blankets and sleep until the Stoat comes home from work.
My plan for the month is to be able to turn the computer off by 8 pm. I am far too "connected" and I think this is a source of stress. Time for more at-home pursuits that don't involve electronics, I think.
Back to bed now, and I hope the sodding doorbell rings soon.
BFN. In fact, if there could be a way to make an absence of colour on a white field, I think this test would have it.
AF is late, but I O'd multiple eggs so it's likely my P4 was much higher this time and so she'll take her sweet time getting here -- not like last month, showing up a day early so she could surprise me at Christmas. This makes certain my boobs still hurt, my brain is still foggy, and I am still feeling awful -- all the joy of being knocked up without the awful inconvenience of, you know, an actual baby.
Let's send this feeling to these high school twits making "pregnancy pacts" at age 14 and see if they still want to do this and have to change diapers at the end.
Two different answers. I don't like two different answers. Obviously, I like one of the answers better than the other but by now -- only 8 days past the booster -- I know better than to trust these things.
*sigh*
BFN.
FML.
How many more acronyms can I shove into a post? Well, with my sore BBS and my profound disgust at TTC right now, the answer turns out to be quite a few.
KTHXBAI.
I am fighting the urge to POAS. I don't know why. I know the line will be there, I injected myself full of the stuff not six days ago. Of course the line will be there. I don't know why I do this to myself, watching the line fade and dwindle and go back to blank -- usually moments before I wipe and discover AF is hanging out, just waiting.
Still, I don't think I'll win this one.
Traveling has messed up my body clock and my awareness of what my body is doing, although to be fair that could be an overindulgence of English food as well. Curries, kebabs, pizza @ Mulberry street, dinners out, takeaways...God, I love this country, even if my waistline doesn't.
We've managed to get away with a minimum of being cooked at (my mother in law does not cook for you, she cooks at you -- Irish food aggression at its best) and have escaped with only one full English breakfast (a landing in England tradition) and two sausage sarnies. I think she feels thwarted, but not being cooked at is lovely.
Even so, I don't feel pregnant, and last time by 7 DPO I was *sure*, so I think I am going to need to assume that this cycle, too, is a bust. Our GP is happy to refer us directly to Guy's, do not pass go, do not collect £200...so at least there is that. I'll go as long as the insurance covers me but once that is up, I'll be on the next flight to England to start the Master Plan.
It's a bit depressing, but then again I could just be exhausted.
We're halfway through that long two weeks. In seven days will be victory or defeat, a BFP or a BFN.
I've been very bad with the medications the past few days because we've been so busy. Tonight is Valentine's Day, so we'll be having a romantic evening...minding my friend's six month old baby while she and her other half get to go out on a date together. This is actually very romantic as we're staying at my mother in law's, so it's really a chance to spend some quiet time by ourselves with a takeaway and some TV.
Still, the next person who says "Har har, it'll be good practice!" is going to get punched.
Morning monitoring was a bust this morning. We could only dig one car out of the snow and The Stoat needed to go to USCIS for part of his green card application -- not that we really need it, being as we're preparing to move back to the UK -- and he left at 6 am.
The NP called and said just to take the Ovidrel anyway, my P4 has been low on every single cycle so this one is probably not an exception. I've thereby saved myself one extra poking, taken the Ovidrel, and now we're well into the 2ww.
Thank you, 16" of snow. My veins are very grateful.
My ovaries have stopped feeling like they are attempting to chew their way out from the inside. This is a good thing.
We're supposed to get a horrific snow storm tomorrow morning, which is fine by me as long as it does not mess up my Thursday. I can sit at home for a day -- hell, I need to sit at home for another day and make sure I'm caught up with work -- but the snow had better not mess up my RE appointment or my flight, in that order please.
Really, 10" of snow isn't all that much anyway, not for here. We've just been blessed by an abnormally dry winter this year and are spoiled. Still, off to buy bread and milk and eggs, because that's what you're supposed to do in a Snowpocalypse. ;)
I don't think I've ever won an award before. This one comes from Meg at INCONCEIVABLE, whose blog title has made me want to watch The Princess Bride with every update. ;)
The rules of this award are pretty simple and it works a bit like a meme. I always find memes a bit embarrassing; this one is more so as you're supposed to "tag" seven friends to do the same. See, this is a "super secret" blog so my actual friends don't run away screaming at the latest Ovary Status Update -- oh, they're all very supportive, but really, how many times can you hear about my laparoscopy over dinner and still keep a friendship alive? I also sometimes get bitter and depressed for reasons that only the readers of this blog might understand, and while I'll occasionally comment on this on my "normal" blog, it doesn't seem like the sort of thing sharing constantly will help. We've been trying for three years now, that is a lot of whining.
Nevertheless, thank you, Meg, for this lovely award and I shall now endeavour to find seven interesting facts about myself and tag the few people I know are here.
1. The meaning of Stoat -- this is a nickname I gave DH after one very drunken evening in Ireland over a bottle of shiraz. It comes from an episode of "Bottom". He became my Foxy Stoat after that.
2. Before I became a professional writer, I was a wedding photographer, but quit because all brides are insane. ;)
3. I have a decent voice -- I've performed with a professional opera company before and gotten paid for it. Your weight doesn't matter so much in opera. I'd never hack it in musical theatre apart from character roles at this weight, but opera singers can be fat. It's better if you're not, but at least it's not the end of a career.
4. I've lived in three different countries in the past three years. I don't know if we'll ever settle on just one, or if the idea of settling is even possible.
5. I was engaged to someone else when I met my DH five years ago, to the point of owning a dress and having sent out Save The Dates. I took one look at DH, promptly called off the wedding and moved to England the moment my BA was finished. That was life's little 180.
6. I have modeled professionally before.
7. I know more about Tudor and Elizabethan English history than most native UK citizens. It wasn't just my minor in college, I pursue it with a voracious appetite. My friends are very much the same, and we were all reduced to a gibbering pile of booklust when we went to see the Long Room at Trinity College in Dublin.
The embarrassing bit is that I really don't have anyone to tag -- but there are seven facts for you. Now off to another IUI. Ovary status: achey.
It would be very poetic if this morning's IUI was The One. Today is the anniversary of the Stoat and my first date.
Also our first kiss.
That kiss changed my life. If February 7th holds any magic, it's in the way this date resonates with the way my world can change at a moment's notice. I'm hoping all has gone well internally and there's the beginnings of a big change heading for my uterine lining right now.
I'm trying very hard not to get too excited about this very well set up cycle, but it's tough.
Well. Game on!
I have three mature follicles and four possible mature. While that sounds like a lot, we're dealing with the Stoat's issues as well, so our chances of success, while still high, are less than what a "normal" couple would be.
Not that anyone would accuse the Stoat and I of being normal. Oh no!
My ovaries have caught up, performed nicely, and produced three mature follicles and four potentially mature ones.
Dr. S., not my normal doctor, was very concerned about the risk of multiples, but the thing is that doctors only read an abbreviated chart before performing the ultrasound. So she had no idea about the four failed cycles and ectopic we'd already gone through, plus the surgery, until I told her. After that, she gave the OK to trigger, contingent upon the bloodwork.
Hence, trigger later and IUI tomorrow and Monday. :)
I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but this feels like the first cycle all over again, what with the factory-restored reproductive tract I'm sporting. With so many eggs and all of the paths cleared, is it possible we may have a chance?
I had an interesting ultrasound this morning. It was performed by one of the three heads of the practice where I'm being treated.
On day seven I was concerned about not having a good response, and the only follicles being on my left ovary. Well, my ovaries clearly took offense to being called "lazy" and have caught up. My right has at least three 14mm follicles and there's at least one 14mm follicle on the left. The abundance of moderately good sized follicles seemed to concern Dr. Drews, who -- were it up to him -- would have my medication cut way back and had me go in tomorrow for more monitoring and bloodwork, just like last cycle.
Fortunately, it's not up to him. I was on day nine when they did that last cycle, my E2 backslid, and it wound up being The Cycle From Hell which didn't get me a BFP. Of course I know now that it was probably due to Wonky Ovaries, but that doesn't mean I want to repeat the experience.
The nurse practitioner has called, though, and they're not cutting my dose and my E2 is fine -- 296, right where it should be. It looks like my follicles have been hitting the textbook 1 mm per day growth, even if there are four or five that look good -- that was the point, superovulation. That means I can estimate the trigger on Monday and IUI on Tuesday and Wednesday. That's shaving it mighty fine with leaving for vacation on Thursday morning, but that extra day in there covers any mistakes. Even had the doctor said to cut my dose down, I wouldn't have. I have an agenda this cycle, and nothing is going to get in my way.
I'm just glad the doctor agrees with me, so I don't have to lie. This makes it much easier!
We're in a holding pattern, we'll return to regular updates tomorrow.
Seriously, just waiting for bloodwork and an U/s tomorrow. Hope the follies have started to catch up. We'll know tomorrow.
Another early one. Usually by this point the early ones are every other day.
Surprisingly, I'm not having a *super* reaction to the Follistim this time. I have a lot of follicles, but all less than ten barring two, a twelve and a thirteen, and those are on my left ovary, which I've come to regard as the slightly useless one. They seem kind of small to me, and the last cycle where I did 150 IU of Follistim, there were tons of measurable follicles by this point. Still, as long as my E2 is rising appreciably and the follies grow 1-2 mm per day like they're supposed to, we should make it for IUI just before we leave.
Doing the ultrasound today was painful. Dr. M. had to dig to find the left ovary and it hurt. I'm trying to Google "Damage done by ultrasound probe" but so far, the only results are damage done *to* an ultrasound probe -- sorry, I don't think my innards can manage that, much as they'd like to. I should probably stay away from Google anyway. That shit is dangerous.
Bloodwork results later, I guess. Maybe the NP's call will allay my fears. I was just hoping for more eggs this time around.
Bad carb craving day. I've eaten a lot of Challah bread, enough that I can feel my blood sugar going haywire.
At least I'm done with work for the day...will give me time to take a nap instead of working out...not the healthiest plan but I'm going to fall asleep now!
