Stress

I wasn't stressed about this whole thing -- until now.

Coming fast on the heels of yesterday's "you should have this surgery" RE visit was this morning's ultrasound. Apparently, my body doesn't like Follistim as much as it liked Gonal-F. The two drugs are supposedly identical, though it looks like one is follitropin alpha and one is follitropin beta.

What that means, who knows. All I know is that it is cycle day 7 and usually by now I'm one visit away from the trigger shot; this time I'm one visit away from maybe actually having some growing follicles. The doctor didn't seem terribly concerned, but then again he didn't seem terribly concerned yesterday when telling me he'd like to cut me open and have a poke around to see what's going on, either. In fact, I'm not actually sure it's possible for this man to be terribly concerned, full stop, he's very...neutral. All I can do is wait for the blood work and hope.

I feel defeated and heartbroken and stressed and not at all like the happy, confident person I should be at this point. And I am dreading the holidays, and visiting friends with babies.